SPRKS IN CSF: Quiet

SPRKS IN CSF: Quiet: O little lamb, stay quiet just so; Not a peep, hold your bleat , a little while,oh do... The giant lumbers on the hills, A mantle of dus...

SPRKS IN CSF: SPRKS IN CSF: Reading books and my views

SPRKS IN CSF: SPRKS IN CSF: Reading books and my views: SPRKS IN CSF: Reading books and my views :  I am reading books again, as my days have spaces opened for them as I travel to see family. It i...

SPRKS IN CSF: Reading books and my views

SPRKS IN CSF: Reading books and my views:  I am reading books again, as my days have spaces opened for them as I travel to see family. It is on a whim that I bought the book 'Bra...

SPRKS IN CSF: Reading books and my views

SPRKS IN CSF: Reading books and my views:  I am reading books again, as my days have spaces opened for them as I travel to see family. It is on a whim that I bought the book 'Bra...

Reading books and my views

 I am reading books again, as my days have spaces opened for them as I travel to see family.

It is on a whim that I bought the book 'Braiding sweet grass' by Robin Wall Kimmerer, just by a chance encounter with how the words flowed in the book . I don't remember where I read the sentences, but just went ahead and  bought it for reading on the train .

 I have since stopped my thoughts to wonder more about the strong connection I felt to nature as a child growing up , how we were reminded of not wasting  and to be grateful for all that is before us. There was a sense of compassion to all the nature that surrounded us, including those wasps that bit me , the snakes that wandered out to near our house... the general premise of the times and as  my grandmother used to say  was this, "they have as much  a right to be here as you have , so let them go their way". The subsequent  generations have shifted in their ways of life and  views. The general acceptance of all life  and the way of sharing with the others in the community has given way to an isolationist and narcissistic way of viewing every day events  and people which has permeated the minds of people even in my old village in India . The place I once remembered has changed , but all that is left in me is an ache for a past that is gone away , withered away with time .In place of the small houses, now there are mansions each of them vying to be bigger and grander than the next. 

I have noticed that the sustainability of  'less waste ' as more of a struggle , I see my daughter turning off the lights that her husband leaves on all through the house and her frustrations at the lighted house in the middle of a sunny day. This is a place cultures collide and I just hope what comes out of it will be a more sustainable approach . Their new child may show the way to a middle ground away from the extremes that is all around him. As my daughter said, "I hope I can give this baby the  life I want with the values I think are important, not his dad's or society's  waste everything way of thinking".

As I read more of the 'braiding sweet grass' , I  too begin to have a deeper understanding , I too realize , each small drop of relevant values will move the future generations closer to a place of wisdom and lives lived with gratitude  becoming a way of life .Of course the future will be guided by nature , it's just a question of if it will be a transition in ease of acceptance or forced despite our resistance ...one way or the other nature will lead .

(by Pc-3, 02/17/2023)

Please....

Lives, march, sob, grieve and walk again
stare into the gloom,
feel the depth ,the abyss,
No RA, no guns , no no no...
yes where is god , when i need ...
Don't trawl me ..please... just leave me be
I care that none read what i write,
But please don't invade my grief...
by Pc3-(march2018)

SPRKS IN CSF: reflect I on (a poem by pc3)

SPRKS IN CSF: reflect I on (a poem by pc3): I want to take this space to reflect, as the future  and past draws to a close..lost to a present, almost like the inconsequential feeling ...

SPRKS IN CSF: For Tyre Nichols

SPRKS IN CSF: For Tyre Nichols:  I have no words, only tears, I can't  watch  news ever again. I heard it as I turned the tele in the evening , Now no more... Know I wi...

SPRKS IN CSF: For Tyre Nichols

SPRKS IN CSF: For Tyre Nichols:  I have no words, only tears, I can't  watch  news ever again. I heard it as I turned the tele in the evening , Now no more... Know I wi...

For Tyre Nichols

 I have no words, only tears,

I can't  watch  news ever again.

I heard it as I turned the tele in the evening ,

Now no more...

Know I will be haunted with that sound ...

Oh no, dear God, why have you made only evil,

Named it humans, said we have words and choices,

Yet dropped it like molten rock into men's hearts?

Cruelty thy name is human...

Animals are your creation, yet we pride in a soul,

The souls are charred vestiges ,left from your better creations ,

Be they created or evolved,  evil dwells heavy in the  souls ,

That had only cruelty to a young Tyre...

The cries will reverberate  through us , for all our days ,

Waking us from our sleep, as we pray to faceless gods ,

As we hope again in the dark  for life  for our children, 

As this cursed nation  search for a soul, yet again , in vain...

Yet again see the hardened souls , drunk with power ,

Walk by and lay down to a sleep so sound ,

For  theirs'  is a remorseless power, dark and set solid...

But for us , despite all prayers and hopes, our days just stretch long ,

Anxious hours drag into days , stretched into shriveled time, 

To our lives, our wretched lives  waiting  for our children to return,

Until the next day again and again for eternity, 

With prayers to Gods who cannot hear us...

poem by Pc3 -(01/27/2023)

 

SPRKS IN CSF: Classified documents again?!

SPRKS IN CSF: Classified documents again?!:  I think back to the time when they checked for some  boxes in a Marilago  corridor , well it appears that what was not recovered there  has...

SPRKS IN CSF: Classified documents again?!

SPRKS IN CSF: Classified documents again?!:  I think back to the time when they checked for some  boxes in a Marilago  corridor , well it appears that what was not recovered there  has...

Classified documents again?!

 I think back to the time when they checked for some  boxes in a Marilago  corridor , well it appears that what was not recovered there  has been found in a series,  as a more to follow event  I am implying the classified documents found in Biden's locked cabinet. The surprise is why stop with just two sets of documents? I am sure there are  many  more documents to be moved and deposited in other places . Lets say  for example New jersey is closer  and so is New york  some sheds etc. on where Biden may have stopped by at lets say fifty/sixty  years ago. Transportation costs will work out cheaper  too for the cheapskater  in chief and those said mole employees. 

Oh in case one forgot or is stuck with a lack of ideas , I have more suggestions... timing matters , hence consider to time it with summer solstice  or near July 4th, and the expose can be timed with summer solstice, if that is not possible can time it overshadow any other major  events. The expose time should be timed right and that way more light can be had on the tube  for the great one. Thus round and round we go, until it gets all jaded and then ' pinkie and the brain' go again to another try at 'take over the world'... 

Next try to numb any brain cells left for the masses , so they are more vulnerable to be gaslighted . The masses will fall  for all the gaslighting and be pliable to any and all possible lies and convenient truths. It  seems already evident as seen at the  house speaker debacle and santos blindness ,already infecting many. Its not covid that is stripping life out of people it is apathy and the inability to question the appearance of  fakes right in front of  all our eyes ,lets cheer for the grabbers  for them to grab our  finances, our minds and thus our lives.

Post  script: adding a few  forgotten points  on the above subject:-

There is option for an air drop to the various yard's with Biden's name to it, one can save cost by scheduling a drone drop and then they can be found by any random person floating by within the pres's yard and this can continue the drama. Then again why not get climate friendly and claim as  your own the  'climate  saving agenda'   by sending those files  along a kite  that will be wind powered ... this will align the cheif cheapskater  a way into the hearts of the idiots like me. We will lap it up with tears in our eyes for the great T saving the  earth and all those  polar bears. Ah, one small advice , don't leave the greasy finger prints on the files along with the added fake prints , may have to wipe the greasy ones and the burger flavor  off so as not to entice some  random neighborhood canine who may disturb all the pointed proof, all that evidence...

SPRKS IN CSF: Five or more steps to navigate PTSD during the Hol...

SPRKS IN CSF: Five or more steps to navigate PTSD during the Hol...:   PTSD is like a  shadow that follows you every where , the difference is this shadow is there as your constant companion , just popping up...

Five or more steps to navigate PTSD during the Holidays and beyond

 PTSD is like a  shadow that follows you every where , the difference is this shadow is there as your constant companion , just popping up whenever and wherever it feels like, always uninvited . So with that being clear, lets try to face it and accept it for what it is - its a lifelong companion who is with you for the whole journey of life, whether you like it or not , like a bump or bug bite that itches and re appears every so often, for some of us it is so often that  it is a daily part of the essence of ourselves through out our days.. 

Step 1- Accept it , always easy to say , but can't get to  really do it  as a first step,  so to alternate steps...

a - Have  a daily schedule that you follow  every day diligently, be it on holidays or weekends or work days ie. any day and every day. It helps initially to write down a schedule , look at it , stick to it and don't forget to include  things such as showering or eating/drinking ( not alcohol- alcohol even if it may be  your  current companion is  not your friend , so ditch alcohol ) and sleeping on a schedule.. .some times these basics  get forgotten and lost , especially when the PTSD is really bad . It always get better with time, indeed it does .. .

b-Any kind of physical activity helps , a walk , learning a dance - i say learning to dance , because the act of dancing or singing no longer comes naturally, nor does any of the things you ever enjoyed in the past, they  all  have an aura of a chore when you are struggling with PTSD . Despite that feel , do it like any chore and repeat . On an aside all hobbies that you get into , they are fleeting and thus do not last , so being aware of it helps.. Do still get to hobbies, doing them  and attempting to try them. Any interest  in a hobby or activity is a positive.

c-There is a certain  urge to dwell on things, saying, "why me , how unfair everything has been" etc. But try to think of your traumas not as miserable events, but just as ' experiences' . Life always have experiences, just that  these were hard ones . Hence you are not the victim ,the suffering one , nor under the yoke of PTSD, you are the survivor . Yes you are  just a person  who had some events, which you are going to chalk up as some 'experiences'...This construct is just for your mind  and it doesn't negate the horror of the traumatic event, just makes it manageable for your mind preventing it from unravelling moment to moment. That is one way  you try  get a handle on things in the attempt to live, to  get on with life , one foot in front of the other, one hour at  a time( at better times one day or few days at a time)  and still one step after another.   

d-There are some distressing  things that are beyond comprehension. One of them  being flashbacks. With the flashbacks you  notice that your day just  stayed there and withered away , hence that  feeling of wasted time .. . How to get out of these uninvited flashbacks (ie. they come in all forms and varying severity but they are  never in your control) - Try to find something that you like , be that a beach, a park , a tree that moves in the breeze, then make that piece of nature yours. keep a a picture of it  with you... for all just to escape to breathe , to get a gasp of momentary sanity... those times when you need a visual reminder and momentarily imagine being there . These reminders help you move through your day a little easier and each day these  pictorial images help you to  shed some of the internal burden you carry. Some other things that help are inspirational quotes, soothing music ,stretching , even moving to another place like out doors  , another room etc. If you can catch yourself sliding into a flash back( you can occasionally be aware of this) then these  things aid you to get out from it's  hold a little quicker . Some times you have to do multiple things , but you try and try again . If possible any physical motion or movements help and can be done unobtrusively wherever you are at. Some days you may just wake up feeling restless, annoyed ,but  do know these  are all part of the PTSD.

f-Nightmares... like the flash backs they are there... only how bad or how often they are present varies. They tend to come in groups . Bring yourself to think of them as movies ,but just horrible ones. Another helpful step is this -before you sleep try to tell yourself how the  room is yours and look at the things that make it your room and force yourself to own it ,to make it yours .This will have to be repeated for many many days. When you wake with a nightmare , it helps if you can get to ground yourself by looking and seeing something that will get your mind and brain  to move to  the present place and time. It doesn't reduce or negate the jarring nightmare that was present, just make you become aware to the  present .Yet it will be hard to fall back to sleep. This is the time when you try to day dream of your favorite place in your mind to force yourself to get back to sleep again , to get back to sleep hoping of no more nightmares . But the reality is  that they just come , so go on doing it over and over , and manage to get whatever measly sleep you can(nightmares are going to be there, but they  do become less with  time) So...

g-feeling of disconnect and lack of joy...The biggest bummer  is when you feel disconnect to your children , especially to your young child - it  always put an added layer of guilt and anger . Force to act the part of what you think  is the normal action , what has to be done  to interact  and do that acting part when faced with disconnect . With time the connectedness happen (this may come in on and off form and do take time ,so do persist to act the part) If you feel angry , do work out ,or use that energy to get things done that tend to be put off..... postponed or neglected from  day to day. The reality is there is a constant inertia that I can only describe as "being weighed down  and feeling of being stuck in cement , unable to move" It helps to have a list of prioritized tasks to complete/do as  the tendency is to focus on and to do non essentials at any given time , anger works as an energizer to task completion. No feeling of achievement will be present ,(even if you win the Nobel prize, the feeling of achievement can be absent) so say to your-self that you did it  .

h-guilt feelings and remorse . Guilt and remorse of what you lost or what could have been is a definite feeling - so come to accept that the present life is yours . It is during the holiday season and special occasions  that they seem to envelope you  more than any other time. At these times this remorse and guilt  seems to become so huge and untamable . How ever force yourself not to ever compare  your day or  life to some one else's. I think it is hard to do , but focus instead  on how you can help another in need , do anything to help others and that seems to make the day bearable and at some point you start looking at  some of the silver lining of your  big cloud...yes the cloud that goes with you everywhere and comes uninvited .

I have only given a brief mini guide . So many  a times  you are going to feel that  you are not you , but the you that is there will come together slowly bit by bit...Yes time , sometimes it seems  such a  long wait , but time  helps, and so do your efforts in those  everyday  small steps you take  . 

I may add updates to this , but for now , give these suggestions a try, one small unsteady step at  a time. I hope you do, and thus get to  finally see how to manage one day after another. Just remind yourself that  one cannot identify people who have Diabetes if and when you come across them. Like wise you don't know who all around you or me has  PTSD. As anyone with PTSD knows  you feel everyone else can see it in you , but as I said , its invisible just like the disease Diabetes...

an addendum-

what has helped me  at the many recurring low points is, if I do something to help others, or to think of  some other person who may have worse  life events in front if them , mostly  beyond their control, of where or how they were born etc . I end up giving to charity , many a time though in small amounts that I can , I do these moments to direct my thoughts  to MSF(https://www.doctorswithoutborders.org) give in  small amounts as it gives me momentary sense of peace as I feel they are helping those in need in places other charities may not get to. 

(by  peace crane-3 -12/15/2021)

SPRKS IN CSF: on Climate

SPRKS IN CSF: on Climate: I wish  each of us would opt to reduce our need for more, but we have gone to a 'selfish comfort mode '. We have grown accustomed to...

SPRKS IN CSF: on Climate

SPRKS IN CSF: on Climate: I wish  each of us would opt to reduce our need for more, but we have gone to a 'selfish comfort mode '. We have grown accustomed to...

on Climate

I wish  each of us would opt to reduce our need for more, but we have gone to a 'selfish comfort mode '. We have grown accustomed to our comforts , our enveloping temperatures , our plastic wrappings , our exotic foods from far off places, but as we consume more and more , we tend to want more to consume as we just consume with nary a moment spent to live mindfully even in a half hour period during our days wondering , just on the 'goldilock effect' , mourning the lack of that just so ideal sensory input.

I strive to do a little to reduce my wastes, my carbon foot print, but the vast mammoth prints left all around me by industries and  companies ( including those who wink and state their great progress in making a shallower carbon foot print ) just make me disheartened. The awareness that what I do or what we as a family do is less than even a drop in this vast ocean of carbon belchers whose acts just collapse my earth to a path of no return ...it is despair  and hopelessness for me . I hold this fantasy that the universe, wakes and the earth will shiver itself to action and then we are left as helpless inconsequential pests, which we have become  through all that we call progress. Some times  my prayer is "Oh universe, take over please."..

SPRKS IN CSF: Cassius Turvey

SPRKS IN CSF: Cassius Turvey:  Cassius...a name , a face , a soul,  Above all a person to who has seen you ... A news item in passing for some,  Sadness in memory for oth...

Cassius Turvey

 Cassius...a name , a face , a soul, 

Above all a person to who has seen you ...

A news item in passing for some, 

Sadness in memory for others , 

A human , lost too soon , 

Yet for some just an object...

I see the faces of my genetic future , 

Spread in the sand , just like all of them in all lands , 

Part of breaths that mingled in my air, 

And hence close to me , me the human , 

Me , a group of  DNA and chromosomes,

No different , yet for the melanine lackers ,

He too was a threat... All around me they growl, 

All they see is a threat, our thoughts , 

Our prayers, our food , anything and all,

Just our souls  invoke a fear, and they run ,

Threatened by any with souls , or is it just melanine that  they fear...

poem by Pc3(11/03/2022)