SPRKS IN CSF: Five or more steps to navigate PTSD during the Hol...

SPRKS IN CSF: Five or more steps to navigate PTSD during the Hol...:   PTSD is like a  shadow that follows you every where , the difference is this shadow is there as your constant companion , just popping up...

Five or more steps to navigate PTSD during the Holidays and beyond

 PTSD is like a  shadow that follows you every where , the difference is this shadow is there as your constant companion , just popping up whenever and wherever it feels like, always uninvited . So with that being clear, lets try to face it and accept it for what it is - its a lifelong companion who is with you for the whole journey of life, whether you like it or not , like a bump or bug bite that itches and re appears every so often, for some of us it is so often that  it is a daily part of the essence of ourselves through out our days.. 

Step 1- Accept it , always easy to say , but can't get to  really do it  as a first step,  so to alternate steps...

a - Have  a daily schedule that you follow  every day diligently, be it on holidays or weekends or work days ie. any day and every day. It helps initially to write down a schedule , look at it , stick to it and don't forget to include  things such as showering or eating/drinking ( not alcohol- alcohol even if it may be  your  current companion is  not your friend , so ditch alcohol ) and sleeping on a schedule.. .some times these basics  get forgotten and lost , especially when the PTSD is really bad . It always get better with time, indeed it does .. .

b-Any kind of physical activity helps , a walk , learning a dance - i say learning to dance , because the act of dancing or singing no longer comes naturally, nor does any of the things you ever enjoyed in the past, they  all  have an aura of a chore when you are struggling with PTSD . Despite that feel , do it like any chore and repeat . On an aside all hobbies that you get into , they are fleeting and thus do not last , so being aware of it helps.. Do still get to hobbies, doing them  and attempting to try them. Any interest  in a hobby or activity is a positive.

c-There is a certain  urge to dwell on things, saying, "why me , how unfair everything has been" etc. But try to think of your traumas not as miserable events, but just as ' experiences' . Life always have experiences, just that  these were hard ones . Hence you are not the victim ,the suffering one , nor under the yoke of PTSD, you are the survivor . Yes you are  just a person  who had some events, which you are going to chalk up as some 'experiences'...This construct is just for your mind  and it doesn't negate the horror of the traumatic event, just makes it manageable for your mind preventing it from unravelling moment to moment. That is one way  you try  get a handle on things in the attempt to live, to  get on with life , one foot in front of the other, one hour at  a time( at better times one day or few days at a time)  and still one step after another.   

d-There are some distressing  things that are beyond comprehension. One of them  being flashbacks. With the flashbacks you  notice that your day just  stayed there and withered away , hence that  feeling of wasted time .. . How to get out of these uninvited flashbacks (ie. they come in all forms and varying severity but they are  never in your control) - Try to find something that you like , be that a beach, a park , a tree that moves in the breeze, then make that piece of nature yours. keep a a picture of it  with you... for all just to escape to breathe , to get a gasp of momentary sanity... those times when you need a visual reminder and momentarily imagine being there . These reminders help you move through your day a little easier and each day these  pictorial images help you to  shed some of the internal burden you carry. Some other things that help are inspirational quotes, soothing music ,stretching , even moving to another place like out doors  , another room etc. If you can catch yourself sliding into a flash back( you can occasionally be aware of this) then these  things aid you to get out from it's  hold a little quicker . Some times you have to do multiple things , but you try and try again . If possible any physical motion or movements help and can be done unobtrusively wherever you are at. Some days you may just wake up feeling restless, annoyed ,but  do know these  are all part of the PTSD.

f-Nightmares... like the flash backs they are there... only how bad or how often they are present varies. They tend to come in groups . Bring yourself to think of them as movies ,but just horrible ones. Another helpful step is this -before you sleep try to tell yourself how the  room is yours and look at the things that make it your room and force yourself to own it ,to make it yours .This will have to be repeated for many many days. When you wake with a nightmare , it helps if you can get to ground yourself by looking and seeing something that will get your mind and brain  to move to  the present place and time. It doesn't reduce or negate the jarring nightmare that was present, just make you become aware to the  present .Yet it will be hard to fall back to sleep. This is the time when you try to day dream of your favorite place in your mind to force yourself to get back to sleep again , to get back to sleep hoping of no more nightmares . But the reality is  that they just come , so go on doing it over and over , and manage to get whatever measly sleep you can(nightmares are going to be there, but they  do become less with  time) So...

g-feeling of disconnect and lack of joy...The biggest bummer  is when you feel disconnect to your children , especially to your young child - it  always put an added layer of guilt and anger . Force to act the part of what you think  is the normal action , what has to be done  to interact  and do that acting part when faced with disconnect . With time the connectedness happen (this may come in on and off form and do take time ,so do persist to act the part) If you feel angry , do work out ,or use that energy to get things done that tend to be put off..... postponed or neglected from  day to day. The reality is there is a constant inertia that I can only describe as "being weighed down  and feeling of being stuck in cement , unable to move" It helps to have a list of prioritized tasks to complete/do as  the tendency is to focus on and to do non essentials at any given time , anger works as an energizer to task completion. No feeling of achievement will be present ,(even if you win the Nobel prize, the feeling of achievement can be absent) so say to your-self that you did it  .

h-guilt feelings and remorse . Guilt and remorse of what you lost or what could have been is a definite feeling - so come to accept that the present life is yours . It is during the holiday season and special occasions  that they seem to envelope you  more than any other time. At these times this remorse and guilt  seems to become so huge and untamable . How ever force yourself not to ever compare  your day or  life to some one else's. I think it is hard to do , but focus instead  on how you can help another in need , do anything to help others and that seems to make the day bearable and at some point you start looking at  some of the silver lining of your  big cloud...yes the cloud that goes with you everywhere and comes uninvited .

I have only given a brief mini guide . So many  a times  you are going to feel that  you are not you , but the you that is there will come together slowly bit by bit...Yes time , sometimes it seems  such a  long wait , but time  helps, and so do your efforts in those  everyday  small steps you take  . 

I may add updates to this , but for now , give these suggestions a try, one small unsteady step at  a time. I hope you do, and thus get to  finally see how to manage one day after another. Just remind yourself that  one cannot identify people who have Diabetes if and when you come across them. Like wise you don't know who all around you or me has  PTSD. As anyone with PTSD knows  you feel everyone else can see it in you , but as I said , its invisible just like the disease Diabetes...

an addendum-

what has helped me  at the many recurring low points is, if I do something to help others, or to think of  some other person who may have worse  life events in front if them , mostly  beyond their control, of where or how they were born etc . I end up giving to charity , many a time though in small amounts that I can , I do these moments to direct my thoughts  to MSF(https://www.doctorswithoutborders.org) give in  small amounts as it gives me momentary sense of peace as I feel they are helping those in need in places other charities may not get to. 

(by  peace crane-3 -12/15/2021)

SPRKS IN CSF: on Climate

SPRKS IN CSF: on Climate: I wish  each of us would opt to reduce our need for more, but we have gone to a 'selfish comfort mode '. We have grown accustomed to...

SPRKS IN CSF: on Climate

SPRKS IN CSF: on Climate: I wish  each of us would opt to reduce our need for more, but we have gone to a 'selfish comfort mode '. We have grown accustomed to...

on Climate

I wish  each of us would opt to reduce our need for more, but we have gone to a 'selfish comfort mode '. We have grown accustomed to our comforts , our enveloping temperatures , our plastic wrappings , our exotic foods from far off places, but as we consume more and more , we tend to want more to consume as we just consume with nary a moment spent to live mindfully even in a half hour period during our days wondering , just on the 'goldilock effect' , mourning the lack of that just so ideal sensory input.

I strive to do a little to reduce my wastes, my carbon foot print, but the vast mammoth prints left all around me by industries and  companies ( including those who wink and state their great progress in making a shallower carbon foot print ) just make me disheartened. The awareness that what I do or what we as a family do is less than even a drop in this vast ocean of carbon belchers whose acts just collapse my earth to a path of no return ...it is despair  and hopelessness for me . I hold this fantasy that the universe, wakes and the earth will shiver itself to action and then we are left as helpless inconsequential pests, which we have become  through all that we call progress. Some times  my prayer is "Oh universe, take over please."..

SPRKS IN CSF: Cassius Turvey

SPRKS IN CSF: Cassius Turvey:  Cassius...a name , a face , a soul,  Above all a person to who has seen you ... A news item in passing for some,  Sadness in memory for oth...

Cassius Turvey

 Cassius...a name , a face , a soul, 

Above all a person to who has seen you ...

A news item in passing for some, 

Sadness in memory for others , 

A human , lost too soon , 

Yet for some just an object...

I see the faces of my genetic future , 

Spread in the sand , just like all of them in all lands , 

Part of breaths that mingled in my air, 

And hence close to me , me the human , 

Me , a group of  DNA and chromosomes,

No different , yet for the melanine lackers ,

He too was a threat... All around me they growl, 

All they see is a threat, our thoughts , 

Our prayers, our food , anything and all,

Just our souls  invoke a fear, and they run ,

Threatened by any with souls , or is it just melanine that  they fear...

poem by Pc3(11/03/2022)

SPRKS IN CSF: Flashbacks and Gods….

SPRKS IN CSF: Flashbacks and Gods….:   Flashbacks   and Gods…. Flashbacks, they come un-invited. A little girl cowering under the covers, stuffing her shirt into her mouth to ...

SPRKS IN CSF: ode to my senses in time of loss

SPRKS IN CSF: ode to my senses in time of loss:  Ah the flared nostrils sigh in pleasure, hint of garlic and chilli waft in , Sprinkled into the  cup of yogurt, the sour notes tickle  my p...

SPRKS IN CSF: Good bye to Honor

SPRKS IN CSF: Good bye to Honor: Today Honor died with a final gasp... Lays there the ashes of 'being', of all... Slashed and raped morals smeared across the days , ...

Good bye to Honor

Today Honor died with a final gasp...

Lays there the ashes of 'being', of all...

Slashed and raped morals smeared across the days ,

Smirking arrogance  has sprouted their hopes to rape all...

Lies there thee dead ,oh humanity ,

The soul within you flayed and slaughtered, never to rise ever ...  ...

Poem by Pc-3-(06/24/22)

ode to my senses in time of loss

 Ah the flared nostrils sigh in pleasure, hint of garlic and chilli waft in ,

Sprinkled into the  cup of yogurt, the sour notes tickle  my palate,

At the back there is the garlicky goodness, all comfort, for my soul ... 

To soothe my soul,  for the day is shaky, in fears, in lost senses...

Lost days, those that I had pushed to the back, as I touch  my todays,

My loss of self , my anguish,

Now they have gripped me  again, 

For motherhood was just a taunt thrown at me as I held my dear child ,

My tears to just hold my  own baby , my entreaties  all naught, 

To the sperm giver ,was it all about power, all to torture ?

Today I seek solace in a simple senses of taste ,

For the dark forces gather again , the deep dark soul  drunk on  power,

Thiers  it is to destroy woman,  call themselves 'man'

Lecherous  beasts, dared you to stop me  from be by my children, 

Yet in power , you wild beasts dare you rule my uterus ?

Dare you  breathe , lest your vile bile  fill your black lungs ,

Sputter you beasts as air grip in its loss, lost from you for all eternity...

Dare you  debase me , all "me's";  

Then yours for eternity, through generations  shall be the  veil of death,

 May bilious heavy air be forever  yours, envelope you ever ...

 

poem by Peace crane 3 (05/04/22)

SPRKS IN CSF: ode to my senses in time of loss

SPRKS IN CSF: ode to my senses in time of loss:  Ah the flared nostrils sigh in pleasure, hint of garlic and chilli waft in , Sprinkled into the  cup of yogurt, the sour notes tickle  my p...

SPRKS IN CSF: Earth day...

SPRKS IN CSF: Earth day...: Earth day, another day laid to rest; the skies are loud above us,  Not the screech owl  at night, nor the hoof falls or a gallop, All  roar ...

SPRKS IN CSF: Earth day...

SPRKS IN CSF: Earth day...: Earth day, another day laid to rest; the skies are loud above us,  Not the screech owl  at night, nor the hoof falls or a gallop, All  roar ...

Earth day...

Earth day, another day laid to rest; the skies are loud above us, 

Not the screech owl  at night, nor the hoof falls or a gallop,

All  roar of planes , with war on their minds...

Man and beast, alight  beneath, souls that whimper far  abound, 

Be it Palestine , Jordan, Odessa or  Congo,

Be it hutu , tutsi,  cherokee or gaurani, 

All tears  flow slow , pained souls  sigh ,

The earth heaves  a sigh and all proud men shake ,

For the tears have been rivers , they swell and shake ,

The souls have all sighed, and massed into the howling winds, 

Ah , the earth , I too  tire at you soulless men, all beasts ...

No soul , no thought ,blind yet  they squander,   

I too sigh , Oh dear Earth , with you ,

Shudder  at the day when you oh  dear earth  your heaves ,  sigh  and shake....

 

poem  by peace crane -3 (04/22/22)

 

SPRKS IN CSF: Time

SPRKS IN CSF: Time: Fathers, mothers , daughters and sons , they entwined their lives and weaved time ... Events , they just embellished this weave, some times ...

Time

Fathers, mothers , daughters and sons , they entwined their lives and weaved time ...

Events , they just embellished this weave, some times they encrusted these weaved lives and created little knobs...

In kockanacherry Mark Anthony was told, "you are wasting time". But he knew even then as a third grader,' you never waste time , you create time '.

As he poked at the scurrying beetle and flipped it onto its shiny back and waited for it to turn over , instead of pushing a slate pencil over the  scarred grey of the old slate, he just knew ," you never waste time ", so he waited , his intense eyes holding the acrobatic dance of the beetle on its back making trails in the fine soil as time ...

story by peace crane -3 ( 03/25/2021)

SPRKS IN CSF: THERE ARE NO WINNERS IN A WAR

SPRKS IN CSF: THERE ARE NO WINNERS IN A WAR:  There are no winners in a war ........... ..................................................... Just grief  and misery........................

SPRKS IN CSF: Hibernation time

SPRKS IN CSF: Hibernation time: Its hibernation time  at last , to yawn, to  stretch and to sleep, Perchance dream big  of lands to roam , to own and mark... Wide skies to ...

Rabid Bears

 I learnt today that bears can get rabies, though rare  

And they infect others , or are they rabid dogs in bear garbs?

Some like their rabies, even whiling in the rotted brains,

Soul-less, drunk on  power, they roam , until they are done;

Oh if only all rabid ones be done ,

Before they devour  those who  breathe, snuffing  their lives  ,

Be it a saffron dog or an orange-head, or any other canine ,

Salivating all with cowardice , soul less power....if only ...

Poem by Pc-3 ( 02/24/2022)

SPRKS IN CSF: Rabid Bears

SPRKS IN CSF: Rabid Bears:  I learnt today that bears can get rabies, though rare   And they infect others , or are they rabid dogs in bear garbs? Some like their rabi...

SPRKS IN CSF: Ahmaud Arbery

SPRKS IN CSF: Ahmaud Arbery: The sun shone on me, but , alas the light had gone dark, The days stayed long, but , in their hearts all stone, In the hearts , the blood wa...

SPRKS IN CSF: Randomness--some random thoughts.(an old post, but...

SPRKS IN CSF: Randomness--some random thoughts.(an old post, but...: "People say, `Stalin's daughter, Stalin's daughter,' meaning I'm supposed to walk around with a rifle and shoot the ...

Randomness--some random thoughts.(an old post, but seem more relevant today)

"People say, `Stalin's daughter, Stalin's daughter,' meaning I'm supposed to walk around with a rifle and shoot the Americans. Or they say, `No, she came here. She is an American citizen.' That means I'm with a bomb against the others. No, I'm neither one. I'm somewhere in between. That `somewhere in between' they can't understand."

Peters' defection came at a high personal cost. She left two children behind in Russia – Josef and Yekaterina – from previous marriages. Both were upset by her departure, and she was never close to either again...(about Lana peters' passing)


As I read this, I wondered about human nature, some so extreme, that we tend to measure the progeny  colored by their parents. What really make each of us who , nay how we are? What in our environment  decide how we weave our lives?

I read this and wondered some , about the randomness of events that really shape further events that in the end is summed up as life... about the children lost into the system, children that do without parents, due to no fault of theirs, of the children that labor away in different parts of the globe, to support things they never chose. Yeah all kinds of thoughts and images crowd into my mind...eg. Nestle's cocoa bean collecting children, garment factory children, and children who wait for their farm worker parents ,awaiting earnings stained by peppers and cucumbers...
We go about from one day to the next with hardly a sidelong glance ,yet when we look to that side, life seem not so simple, but rather a very complex event , yet devoid of any glow .
The intricate patterns that become us, those interwoven events that foreshadow our future, and yet interlaced in there lies some things  and events of which we can never control-  as to how or where we are born...yet in any given moment we think and imagine all sorts of controls, to our lives ...
In the imagined free land of America, all these freedoms come with tassels, bells and weights. We supposedly  prided ourselves that we are as non-polar as we imagined at a not so far away time , yet were secretly extremely polarized. We were supposedly close to  'all being equal' in an idealistic way, yet weren't we  just  'denying all inequality equally' in   an effort to portray some optimal value facades . There is an ongoing obesity epidemic, but we blindly pander to the masses by never mentioning the O word, so as to not offend any. Forget that, even the medical profession side step the issue and never give direct nutritional advice  or activity advise, lest they perchance offend some ones 'sense of self'. Our drug culture is superior, and in our effort to fix all that ails those depths,  we continue to cushion the issues by giving them new package labels... including reasons for their dependent behaviors, "oh you are self medicating your depression', or 'you are drinking because of your anxiety"...Of course even if it is vodka that you are drowning in, you are bound to feel anxiety, I am sure. Life itself comes with anxieties, variable moods , even in the best of living beings, just by the nature of being a living being. 

Hence here  we are not addressing the various problems . all that which is rotting our very core , just changing facades and labels  do not stop the rot that is  so deep seated .
   We forget the in-between people, those who come from other lands, who really do their share in holding up the economy, holding it dear , held up at  both ends, ignore their in-between feelings, just because it's just convenient.
Besides, cultural integration is supposed to happen , say within three weeks to two month time right...just like grieving. All clear by the assigned time...or else...

The less exact nature of things that appear random are lost , may be, and with that may be a little bit of humanness  too. So, the 'in-between people ' , they shed things in bits, of who they are , a little of themselves leach away, and with it the richness of humanity slowly looses bits of itself... 
Lets hope this is not so , for hope then would foreshadow chaos, slide into an inhuman non-compassionate world of entitled, self absorbed chaos.
( as  seem more evident now)

SPRKS IN CSF: Randomness--some random thoughts.(an old post, but...

SPRKS IN CSF: Randomness--some random thoughts.(an old post, but...: "People say, `Stalin's daughter, Stalin's daughter,' meaning I'm supposed to walk around with a rifle and shoot the ...

SPRKS IN CSF: Dreams

SPRKS IN CSF: Dreams:  Chaos and confusion reign, The years held in a drop, they shatter, Few days more, you hope , but... If only a magic wand could , just have ...

Dreams

 Chaos and confusion reign,

The years held in a drop, they shatter,

Few days more, you hope , but...

If only a magic wand could , just have enough magic...

To change life- ah , confusion and pain, all is chaos,

To change all those years, time itself,

With one swoop...if it could, but...

Blend all realities, all those years,

Hold in a cup, all dreams gone awry,

What neuronal key will lock away ,this enmeshed saga,

Make  sense from this mire , of days,

Can we yet fathom what we loose,

Say - to unlock the future, nary a chance  until we sleep again,

Dare we tread there  except in our dreams... 

poem by Pc-3( happened upon it- probably from late 1990s)

Thich Nhat Hanh

 Chance brought your  wisdom to me ,

When I needed it  so urgently,

On the days that I searched, in vain for guidance that seemed too far,

Yet in a library , a book for me , along  with those for my children's read...

I took the small book, consolation, I scanned for meaning to my life , 

Words were bound within, my  thoughts were hushed ,in chains, 

Mind  aswirl in soot , calm a mirage  yet...

The monk's words soothed, to calm - direction  my secret.

Slowly to calm ,to seek a path beyond the chaos surrounds ,

To meditate, to my soul sustenance , to words meaning,

To place beyond me , to the whole , to life form in formless state, 

All to chance , some call it fate ,

 All life , all  chance moments ,

I await  for comforting serene moments it brings, 

Hope , love ,  this day, tomorrow, all different facets of the same ,

Peace ,a brief look into time and oneness ...

The  universe, time , all merge , all , moves while still into stillness, 

To the mind, to life, moments measuring time in this known space.... 

(poem by -- PC-3, 01/22/2022)

  

SPRKS IN CSF: Thich Nhat Hanh

SPRKS IN CSF: Thich Nhat Hanh:  Chance brought your  wisdom to me , When I needed it  so urgently, On the days that I searched, in vain for guidance that seemed too far, Y...

SPRKS IN CSF: america imploding -

SPRKS IN CSF: america imploding -: Ethics lay by the wayside, Compassion has died slow... In its ashes has sprouted dominance. I breathe the moral implosion, As breaths a...