PTSD is like a shadow that follows you every where , the difference is this shadow is there as your constant companion , just popping up whenever and wherever it feels like, always uninvited . So with that being clear, lets try to face it and accept it for what it is - its a lifelong companion who is with you for the whole journey of life, whether you like it or not , like a bump or bug bite that itches and re appears every so often, for some of us it is so often that it is a daily part of the essence of ourselves through out our days..
Step 1- Accept it , always easy to say , but can't get to really do it as a first step, so to alternate steps...
a - Have a daily schedule that you follow every day diligently, be it on holidays or weekends or work days ie. any day and every day. It helps initially to write down a schedule , look at it , stick to it and don't forget to include things such as showering or eating/drinking ( not alcohol- alcohol even if it may be your current companion is not your friend , so ditch alcohol ) and sleeping on a schedule.. .some times these basics get forgotten and lost , especially when the PTSD is really bad . It always get better with time, indeed it does .. .
b-Any kind of physical activity helps , a walk , learning a dance - i say learning to dance , because the act of dancing or singing no longer comes naturally, nor does any of the things you ever enjoyed in the past, they all have an aura of a chore when you are struggling with PTSD . Despite that feel , do it like any chore and repeat . On an aside all hobbies that you get into , they are fleeting and thus do not last , so being aware of it helps.. Do still get to hobbies, doing them and attempting to try them. Any interest in a hobby or activity is a positive.
c-There is a certain urge to dwell on things, saying, "why me , how unfair everything has been" etc. But try to think of your traumas not as miserable events, but just as ' experiences' . Life always have experiences, just that these were hard ones . Hence you are not the victim ,the suffering one , nor under the yoke of PTSD, you are the survivor . Yes you are just a person who had some events, which you are going to chalk up as some 'experiences'...This construct is just for your mind and it doesn't negate the horror of the traumatic event, just makes it manageable for your mind preventing it from unravelling moment to moment. That is one way you try get a handle on things in the attempt to live, to get on with life , one foot in front of the other, one hour at a time( at better times one day or few days at a time) and still one step after another.
d-There are some distressing things that are beyond comprehension. One of them being flashbacks. With the flashbacks you notice that your day just stayed there and withered away , hence that feeling of wasted time .. . How to get out of these uninvited flashbacks (ie. they come in all forms and varying severity but they are never in your control) - Try to find something that you like , be that a beach, a park , a tree that moves in the breeze, then make that piece of nature yours. keep a a picture of it with you... for all just to escape to breathe , to get a gasp of momentary sanity... those times when you need a visual reminder and momentarily imagine being there . These reminders help you move through your day a little easier and each day these pictorial images help you to shed some of the internal burden you carry. Some other things that help are inspirational quotes, soothing music ,stretching , even moving to another place like out doors , another room etc. If you can catch yourself sliding into a flash back( you can occasionally be aware of this) then these things aid you to get out from it's hold a little quicker . Some times you have to do multiple things , but you try and try again . If possible any physical motion or movements help and can be done unobtrusively wherever you are at. Some days you may just wake up feeling restless, annoyed ,but do know these are all part of the PTSD.
f-Nightmares... like the flash backs they are there... only how bad or how often they are present varies. They tend to come in groups . Bring yourself to think of them as movies ,but just horrible ones. Another helpful step is this -before you sleep try to tell yourself how the room is yours and look at the things that make it your room and force yourself to own it ,to make it yours .This will have to be repeated for many many days. When you wake with a nightmare , it helps if you can get to ground yourself by looking and seeing something that will get your mind and brain to move to the present place and time. It doesn't reduce or negate the jarring nightmare that was present, just make you become aware to the present .Yet it will be hard to fall back to sleep. This is the time when you try to day dream of your favorite place in your mind to force yourself to get back to sleep again , to get back to sleep hoping of no more nightmares . But the reality is that they just come , so go on doing it over and over , and manage to get whatever measly sleep you can(nightmares are going to be there, but they do become less with time) So...
g-feeling of disconnect and lack of joy...The biggest bummer is when you feel disconnect to your children , especially to your young child - it always put an added layer of guilt and anger . Force to act the part of what you think is the normal action , what has to be done to interact and do that acting part when faced with disconnect . With time the connectedness happen (this may come in on and off form and do take time ,so do persist to act the part) If you feel angry , do work out ,or use that energy to get things done that tend to be put off..... postponed or neglected from day to day. The reality is there is a constant inertia that I can only describe as "being weighed down and feeling of being stuck in cement , unable to move" It helps to have a list of prioritized tasks to complete/do as the tendency is to focus on and to do non essentials at any given time , anger works as an energizer to task completion. No feeling of achievement will be present ,(even if you win the Nobel prize, the feeling of achievement can be absent) so say to your-self that you did it .
h-guilt feelings and remorse . Guilt and remorse of what you lost or what could have been is a definite feeling - so come to accept that the present life is yours . It is during the holiday season and special occasions that they seem to envelope you more than any other time. At these times this remorse and guilt seems to become so huge and untamable . How ever force yourself not to ever compare your day or life to some one else's. I think it is hard to do , but focus instead on how you can help another in need , do anything to help others and that seems to make the day bearable and at some point you start looking at some of the silver lining of your big cloud...yes the cloud that goes with you everywhere and comes uninvited .
I have only given a brief mini guide . So many a times you are going to feel that you are not you , but the you that is there will come together slowly bit by bit...Yes time , sometimes it seems such a long wait , but time helps, and so do your efforts in those everyday small steps you take .
I may add updates to this , but for now , give these suggestions a try, one small unsteady step at a time. I hope you do, and thus get to finally see how to manage one day after another. Just remind yourself that one cannot identify people who have Diabetes if and when you come across them. Like wise you don't know who all around you or me has PTSD. As anyone with PTSD knows you feel everyone else can see it in you , but as I said , its invisible just like the disease Diabetes...
an addendum-
what has helped me at the many recurring low points is, if I do something to help others, or to think of some other person who may have worse life events in front if them , mostly beyond their control, of where or how they were born etc . I end up giving to charity , many a time though in small amounts that I can , I do these moments to direct my thoughts to MSF(https://www.doctorswithoutborders.org) give in small amounts as it gives me momentary sense of peace as I feel they are helping those in need in places other charities may not get to.
(by peace crane-3 -12/15/2021)
